Scratch Paper

Did you know? I had a blog post I was really excited about to write last week, but a multi-headed monster that is the embodiment of falling behind in NaNoWriMo attacked me, and I has to use a cat powered by dynamite to repel it? That’s why I was gone. Funny, huh?

Anyway, I still didn’t have time to write that blog post, but, thankfully, I’ve been preparing for this moment for a long time! And I didn’t even know it. You see, whenever I have a random thing I don’t want to forget but don’t know what to do with, I write it down in a “scratch paper” document on my computer. I’ve filled dozens of pages with completely unrelated and unfinished thoughts, about 1% of which will actually be useful someday. The rest… are good blogging material! That’s right! You’re getting the… opposite of the cream of the crop? What you would get if you took the cream of the crop away and left the rest of the crop. So welcome to *dun dun dun* stuff I mostly don’t remember writing!

 

Here’s something of the first stages of plotting The Wishmaker!

“And Ron, who has a PhD in avoiding his problems…”

Care to guess which character has barely changed throughout the entire process?

 

Oo! Here are some “writing ideas.”

Life: extreme destruction edition. You can burn down opponent’s houses, hit their cars with missiles and hold their family hostage.

I feel obligated to point out that this is about the board game, Life, not… you know, the act of living.

 

I want a good betrayal. A real JUICY one.

Good to know. I guess you all know what to get me for my birthday now.

 

An aesthetically unappealing cat.

Meet my newest character…

 

Mirrors?

Good question.

 

“Please do not stare into the water. It makes them nervous,” reads a sign next to the lake. It’s always confused you, but you’re ever been foolish enough to ignore it.

Just don’t stare into the water, dude. It’s that simple.

 

Jumanji Monopoly. Everything that happens in the game happens in real life. Buy a railroad and a train car comes through your wall. Build a house and suddenly there’s a building that wasn’t there before in your backyard. You don’t know what will happen if you get sent to jail and you’re afraid to find out.

Why. Won’t. Hasbro. Return. My. Calls.

 

So it turns out the clothing racks at the store actually are portals to other dimensions.          Was there any doubt?

 

And here’s some… whatever this is.

 

Potential autobiography names:

I am smiling!

The fact that I’m writing this means someone’s assassins have failed.

 

I absolutely love that xylophones are associated with skeletons because the only connection I can think of is that xylophones sound exactly how I imagine playing a ribcage would sound.

Quick, hand me a ribcage so I can test my hypothesis!

 

Who invented roller-skates. Who thought putting wheels on shoes was a good idea. Like, was it supposed to be more efficient than just walking? Was it meant as a serious form of transportation?

Fun fact: the first patented roller skate design was by a M. Petitbled in France, 1819. He was not the first to make one, however, and the first ones appear to have evolved out of ice skate designs.

 

When I was a kid, I really wanted to know if there were any animals that eat rocks. I searched far and wide, looking for one, but could never find one. I was disappointed, angry even, that there are no animals that eat rocks. It took me YEARS to realize that 1) salt is ground up rocks, and 2) I put salt on my food. It was me all along. I am what eats rocks.

-an excerpt from my autobiography, The Fact That I Am Writing This Means Someone’s Assassins Have Failed.

 

So that was that. I’m not exaggerating when I say a have pages upon pages of this stuff, and I keep thinking, “that one’s weird, I should blog about that,” and it turned out to be a good quick fix for my idealessness.

Okay bye.